Messenger

Joseph Smith’s Dialogue with the Devil

Posted on 1/17/2002 at 12:12:47 PM

[Enter the Devil with a bundle of handbills, which he is in the act of posting:] …

WANTED IMMEDIATELY,

All the LIARS, SWINDLERS, THIEVES, ROBBERS, Incendiaries, Cheats, Adulterers, Harlots, Blackguards, Drunkards, Gamblers, Bogus Makers, Idlers, Busy Bodies, Pickpockets, Vagabonds, Filthy Persons, Hireling Clergy and their followers, and all other Infidels, and Rebellious, Disorderly Persons, for a CRUSADE against

JOSEPH SMITH AND THE MORMONS!!!

BE QUICK! BE QUICK! I say, or OUR CAUSE WILL BE RUINED!! and our Kingdom Overthrown, by that d____d fool of an impostor and his associates, for even now all EARTH AND HELL IS IN A STEW!!!

[Josh. Smith happens to be passing, and hails his Majesty.]

Smith – Good morning, Mr. Devil. How now; you seem to be much engaged. What news have you got there?

Devil – [Slipping his bills into his pocket with a low bow] – Oh! Good morning, Mr. Smith; I hope you are well, sir. Why – I – was just out – out on a little business in my line; or finally, to be candid, sir, I was contriving a fair and honourable warfare against you and your impositions, wherein piety is outraged, and religion greatly hindered in its useful course; fir to be bold, sir, (and I despise any thing underhanded,) I must tell you to your face that you have made more trouble than all the ministers or people of my whole dominion have for ages past.

Smith – Trouble! What trouble have I caused your majesty? I certainly have endeavoured to treat you, and all other persons, in a friendly manner, even my worst enemies; and I always aim to fulfil the Mormon creed; and that is, to my mind, my own business exclusively. Why should this trouble you, Mr. Devil?

Devil – Ah! your own business indeed! I know not what you may consider your own business, it is so very complicated; but I know what you have done, and what you are aiming to do. You have disturbed the past quiet of Christendom, overthrown churches and societies; you have dared to call into question the truth and usefulness of old and established creeds, which have stood the test of ages, and have caused tens of thousands to come out in open rebellion, not only against wholesome creeds, established forms and doctrines, well approved and orthodox, but against some of the most pious, learned, exemplary, and honourable clergy, whom both myself and all the world love, honour, and esteem. And this is not all; but you are causing many people to think who never thought before, and you would fain have the whole world a-thinking, and then where will true religion and piety be? Alas! they will have no place among men; for if men keep such a terrible thinking and reasoning as they begin to do, since you commenced your business, as you call it, they never will continue to uphold the good old way in which they have jogged along in peace for so many ages; and thus, Mr. Smith, you will have overthrown my kingdom, and leave me not a foot of ground on earth, and this is the very thing you aim at; but I, sir, have the boldness to oppose you by all the lawful means which I have in my power.

Smith – Really, Mr. Devil, your majesty has of late become very pious. I think some of your Christian brethren have greatly misrepresented you. It is generally reported by them that you are opposed to religion. But -

Devil – It is false; there is not a more religious and pious being in the world than myself, nor a being more liberal-minded. I am decidedly in favour of all creeds, systems, and forms of Christianity, of whatever name or nature, so long as they leave out that abominable doctrine which caused me so much trouble in former times, and which, after slumbering for ages, you have again revived. I mean the doctrine of direct communication with God, by new revelation. This is hateful, it is impious; it is directly opposed to all the divisions and branches of the Christian Church. I never could bear it. And for this very cause, I helped to bring to condign punishment all the prophets and the apostles of old; for while they were suffered to live with this gift of revelation, they were always exposing and slandering me, and all other good and pious men, in exposing our deeds and purposes, which they called wicked, but which we consider as the height of zeal and piety; and when we killed them for these crimes of dreaming, prophesying, and vision-seeing, they raised the cry of persecution, and so with you miserable and deluded Mormons.

Smith – Then, your most Christian Majesty is in favour of all other religions but this one, are you?

Devil – Certainly, I am fond of praying, singing, church-building, bell-ringing, going to meeting, preaching, and withal, I have quite a missionary zeal. I like also long faces, long prayers, long robes, and learned sermons. Nothing suits me better than to see people who have been for a whole week oppressing their neighbour, grinding the face of the poor, walking in pride and folly, and serving me with all their heart; I say nothing suits me better, Mr. Smith, than to see these people go to meeting on Sunday with a long religious face on, and to see them pay a portion of their ill-gotten gains for the support of a priest, while he and his hearers pray with doleful groans and awful faces, saying, ‘Lord, we have left undone the things we ought to have done, and done the things we ought not;’ and then, when service is ended, see them turn again to their wickedness, and pursue it greedily all the week, and the next Sabbath repeat the same things. Now, be candid, Mr. Smith. Do you not see that these, and all others, who have a form and deny the power, are my good Christian children, and that their religion is a help to my cause?

Smith – Certainly, your reasoning is clear and obvious as to these hypocrites, but you would not be pleased with people getting converted, either at camp meeting or somewhere else, and putting their trust in that conversion, and in free grace to save them. Would you not be opposed to this?

Devil – Why should I have any objection to that kind of religion, Mr. Smith? I care not how much they get converted, nor how much they cry Lord, Lord, nor how much they trust in free grace to save them, so long as they do not do the works that their God has commanded them. I am sure of them at last; for you know all men are to be judged according to their deeds. What does their good Bible say, ‘Not every one that saith Lord, Lord, shall enter into my kingdom; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.’ No, no, Mr. Smith, I am not an enemy to religion, and especially to the modern forms of Christianity. So long as they deny the power, they are a help to my cause. See how much discord, division, hatred, envy, strife, lying, contention, blindness, and even error and bloodshed, has been produced as the effect of these very systems. By these means I gain millions to my dominion, while at the same time we enjoy the credit of being pious Christians. But you, Mr. Smith, you are an enemy, my open and avowed enemy; you have even dared, in a sacrilegious manner, to tear the veil from all these fine systems, and to commence an open attack upon my kingdom, and this even when I had almost all Christendom, together with the clergymen and gentlemen of the press, in my favour. How dare you venture thus to commence a revolution with reserve, and without aid or succour, and in the midst of innumerable hosts of my subjects?

Smith – Why, sir, in the first place, I knew that I had the truth on my side, and that your systems and forms of Christianity were so manifestly corrupt that one had only to lift the veil from your fooleries on one side, and to present plain and reasonable truth on the other, and the eyes of the people could at once distinguish the difference so clearly that except they chose darkness rather than light, they would leave your ranks and come over to truth. For instance, what is easier than to shew, from the history of the past, that a religion of direct revelation was the only system ever instituted by the Lord, and the only one calculated to benefit mankind? What is easier than to shew that this system saved the church from flood, famine, flames, war, division, bondage, doubt, and darkness, many times, and that it is the legitimate way and manner God’s government of his own peculiar people in all ages and dispensations.

Devil – To be candid with you, Mr. Smith, I must own that what you have now said, neither myself nor my most able ministers have been able to gainsay by argument or fact. But then you must recollect, that tradition and custom, together with fashion and popular clamour, have in all ages had more effect than plain fact and sound reason. Hence you see we are safe, so long as we continue to cry from the press and pulpit, and in Sunday schools; that all these things are done away and no longer needed. In this way, though God may speak, they will not hear; angels may minister, and they will not believe; visions may reveal, and they will not be enlightened; prophets may lift their voice, and their warnings pass unheeded; so you see we still have them as safe as we had the people in olden time. God can communicate no message to them which will be examined or heard with any degree of credence or candour. So for all the good they get from God, all communication being cut off, they might as well be without a God. Thus you see, I have full influence and control of the multitude by a means far more effectual than argument or reason; and I even dare to teach them that it is a sin to reason, think, or investigate, as it would disturb the even tenor of their pious breathings and devout groans and responses. Smith, you must be extremely ignorant of human nature, as well as of the history of the past, to presume that reason and truth would have much effect with the multitude. Why, sir, look how effectively we warded off the truth at Ephesus, when Paul attempted to address them in the theatre. Strange, that with all these examples before you, you should venture to raise the hue and cry which has so often been defeated, and this with no better weapons on your side than reason and truth. Indeed you may thank my Christian spirit of forbearance that you have escaped so far without a gridiron; but take care for the future, I may not always be so mild.

Smith – But why is your majesty so highly excited against me and my plans of operation, seeing that you consider that you have the multitude perfectly safe; and why so enraged and fearful of the consequences of my course, and the effect of my weapons, while at the same time you profess to despise them as weak, and powerless. Alas! it is too true that you have he multitude safe to all appearance at present, and that truth can seldom reach them; why not then be content, and leave me to pursue my calling in peace? I can hardly hope to win to the cause of truth any but the few who think, and these have ever been troublesome to your cause.

Devil – True, but then you are, in spite of all my efforts, and that of my fellows, daily thinning our ranks, by adding to the number of those who think; and such a thinking is kept up that we are often exposed in some of our most prominent plans, and placed in any an awkward predicament; and who knows what defeat, disgrace, and dishonour may befall the pious cause, if you are suffered to continue your rebellious course….

Smith – Well, well. I see plainly you will have a creep out some how or other, rather than bear the disgrace and stigma which your conduct would seem to deserve. But forgetting the past, let me inquire what course you intend to pursue in future, and whether this warfare between you and me, will still be prosecuted? and if so, what course do you intend to pursue hereafter? You know my course. I have long since taken the field at the head of a mere handful of brave patriots, who are true as the pole stars, and firm as the rock of Gibraltar. They laugh at and despise your silly stories; and with nothing but a few plain simple weapons of truth and reason, aided by revelation, we boldly make war upon your whole dominion, and will never quit the field, dead or alive, till we win the battle, and deprive you of every foot of ground you possess. This is our purpose; and although your enemy, I am bold and generous enough to declare it. So you see I am not for taking any unwary advantage, notwithstanding all your pious tricks upon me and the public.

Devil – Mr. Smith, I am too much of the gentleman not to admire your generous frankness and your boldness, and too much of a Christian not to appreciate your honesty; but as you commenced this war, and I only acted at the first defensive, with the pure motive of defending my kingdom, I think this ought, in some degree at least, to excuse the means I have made use of; and that you may have no reason to complain in future, I will now fully open to you the plan of my future campaign. Here [pulling out a bundle of handbills] is what I was doing this morning, when by chance we met; and by the reading of which you will see my course. Heretofore I have endeavoured to throw contempt upon your cause, in hopes to smother it and keep it under, as something beneath the notice of us well-informed Christians. For this cause I have generally caused it to be represented that you are a very ignorant silly man, and that your followers were made up of the unthinking and vulgar, and not worthy of notice. But the fact is, you have made such rapid strides, and have poured forth such a torrent of intelligence, and gathered such a host of talented and thinking men around you, that I can no longer conceal these facts under a bushel of burning lies, and therefore I now change my purpose and my manner of attack. I shall endeavour to magnify you and your success from this time forward, and to make you appear much larger than reality, as you have heretofore fallen short. If my former course has excited contempt, and caused you to be despised, and thus kept you out of notice, my future course will be to excite jealousy, fear, and alarm, till all the world is ready to rise and crush you as if you were a legion of Sampsons, commanded by Bonaparte. This, I think, will be more successful in putting you down than the ignoble course I have heretofore taken – so prepare for the worst.

Smith – I care as little for your magnifying powers as I have heretofore done for your contempt; in fact, I will endeavour to go ahead to that degree, that what you will say in regard to my great influence and power, though intended by you for a falsehood, shall prove to be true, and by so doing I shall be prepared to receive those whom you may excite against me, and to give them so warm a reception that they will never discover your intended falsehood, but will find all your representatives of my greatness to be a reality; so do your worst, I defy you.

Devil – Well, time will determine whether the earth is to be governed by a prophet, and under the way of truth, or whether myself, and my Christian friends will still prevail. But remember, Smith, remember, I beseech you for your own good, beware what you are doing, I have the priests and editors, with few exceptions, under my control, together with wealth, popularity and honour. Count well the cost before you again plunge into this warfare. Good bye, Mr. Smith, I must away to raise my recruits and prepare for a campaign.

Smith – Good bye to your Majesty.

[They both touch hats and turn away.]

Devil – [Recollecting himself and suddenly turning back,] Oh! I say Mr. Smith, one more word if you please, [in a low and confidential tone, with his mouth close to his ear,] after all, what is the use of parting as enemies; the fact is, you go in for the wheat and I for the tares. Both must be harvested. Are we not fellow-labourers? I can make no use of the wheat, nor you of the tares even if we had them; we each claim our own, I for the burning and you for the barn. Come, then, give the old devil his due, and let’s be friends.

Smith – Agreed; I neither want yours nor you mine. A man free from prejudices, will give the devil his due. Come, here is the right hand of fellowship – you to the tares and I to the wheat.

[They shake hands cordially]

Devil – Well, Mr. Smith, we have talked a long while, and are agreed at last. You are a noble and generous fellow, and would not bring in a railing accusation against even a poor old Devil, nor cheat him of even one cent. Come, it is a warm day, and I feel as though it is my treat. Let us go down to Mammy Brewer’s cellar, and take something to drink.

Smith – Agreed, Mr. Devil; you appear very generous now.

[They enter the cellar together.]

Devil – Good morning, Mrs. Brewer; I make you acquainted with my good friend, Mr. Smith, the prophet. [The landlady smiling a little and looking a little surprised,] Why, Mr. Devil, is that you; sit down, you’re tired. But you don’t say this is Mr. Smith, your greatest enemy. I am quite surprised. What will you have, gentlemen? for is you can drink together, I think all the world ought to be friends.

Devil – As we are both temperance men, and ministers, I think perhaps a glass of spruce beer a-piece will be all right. What say you, Mr. Smith?

Smith – As you please, your Majesty.

[They now take the beer.]

Devil – [Holding up his glass.] Come, Mr. Smith, your health. I propose we offer a toast.

Smith – Well, proceed.

Devil – Here’s to my good friend, Joe. Smith. May all sorts of ill luck befall him, and may he never be suffered to enter my kingdom, either in time or eternity, for he would almost make me forget that I am a devil, and make a gentleman of me, while he gently overthrows my government, at the same time he wins my friendship.

Smith – Here’s to his Satanic Majesty; may he be driven from the earth, and be forced to put to sea in a stone canoe with an iron paddle, and may the canoe sink, and a shark swallow the canoe and its royal freight, and an alligator swallow the shark, and may the alligator be bound in the north-west corner of hell, the door be locked, the key lost, and a blind man hunting for it.

[Exit Devil, Prophet, and all]